Black Hole Registry Lets You Name Abysmal Space Objects After People ‘Who Suck’

Photo 89299259 © Ukrainian photographer Karayuschij | Dreamstime.com

Some people name their loved ones after stars. Others aren’t quite as sentimental and are more likely to fixate on their frenemies or foes.

On the other spectrum of the awe-inspiring news of advancements in space, there’s also the literal dark side. The International Black Hole Registry is a place whose sole mission is to name black holes after people “who suck.” A fancier way of saying this is that you get to pay for a hole for an A-hole.

You can do this for at least US$10, which grants you a digital certificate of recognition confirming the designation, along with the coordinates of the unique black hole and the choice to personalize a message. There’s also an option to get a physical certificate, which sucks up $20 from your savings into the vortex of the site’s pockets.

Headspace invaders will now have a new home. Or, if you’re the one in the wrong, the website says you could even name one of these enigmatic cosmic objects after yourself “as a way to acknowledge you screwed up and you’re sorry.”

The platform is run not by astronomers but by people who claim to “know vastly more about space than Sherlock Holmes,” whose 19th-century wisdom would have stopped short of the well-known fact that Earth revolves around the Sun. As he wasn’t a man of science, Holmes could not have understood things like the Copernican Theory and the makeup of the solar system, the registry’s creators suggest.

No offense, but this idea sounds like something only suckers would buy into. Although, it can also be argued that it’s one way to release a grudge. Say goodbye to your anger and send it off into a pitless abyss.

[via Boing Boing and International Black Hole Registry, cover photo 89299259 © Ukrainian photographer Karayuschij | Dreamstime.com]