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The Most Common Relationship Problems And How To Fix Them
By Yap Yen, 14 Dec 2015
Image: Diego Schtutman
In a recent article for Business Insider, renowned relationship researcher and expert Dr. John Gottman shares the most common relationship problems and how you should go about solving them.
In his 40-year career, Gottman has gained powerful insights from studying couples that thrive (he calls “Masters”) and couples that fail (he calls them “Disasters”). Here are some valuable advice on what dooms relationships and what is the best predictor of whether a relationship is working.
Criticizing your partner’s personality or character is a huge problem.
In his 40-year career, Gottman found that many Disasters often stage the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner. Masters, on the other hand, did the opposite and point the finger at themselves. They also gently start up the discussion by minimizing the problem and talking about what they feel or what they need.
According to Gottman, contempt is the number one predictor of breakups.
Contempt is acting like you are a better person than your partner. This can come in the form of talking down to your partner, being insulting or acting superior.
The best indicator of how good a relationship is is the kind of story you tell when someone asks about the history of your relationship.
This is a simple exercise that you can do yourself. Thinking about the kind of story you or your partner would tell shows a lot about your relationship. According to Gottman, this is “an ever-changing final appraisal of the relationship and your partner’s character”. If your relationship is not going well, you might find yourself focusing on the problems and dwelling on what is wrong or missing. If your relationship is good and solid, you will find yourself minimizing the negative qualities and cherishing your partner’s positive qualities. According to Gottman, masters “nurture gratitude instead of resentment”.
Has this made you reflect on your own relationship? Head over here to find out how to fix and nurture your relationships.
[via Business Insider]
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