Kate Middleton’s Overdramatized ‘Same Length’ Finger News Sparks Internet Jokes
By Mikelle Leow, 13 Mar 2018
Image via TechnicallyRon
If there’s one way the general public can describe Kate Middleton, it’s probably that she’s always perfectly coiffed. Little did many know that her impeccably polished image also extends to her hands.
The Daily Mail brought up a rather absurd theory last Wednesday, suggesting that the Duchess of Cambridge has fingers of identical lengths.
The tabloid then cushioned the claim with scientific references from the Institute of Cancer Research, who said in an earlier study that women with long index fingers might have higher fertility but are more likely to develop breast cancer.
Per The Cut, the report generally went under the radar until The Daily Mail posed the theory again on Monday—only this time, it was blown out on its front page. The paper also dedicated two whole pages to investigate the issue.
It was only until then that the presumption fell into the internet’s hands. Of course, it also lifted its own fingers to mock the tabloid’s “news priority.”
Have a laugh at some jokes from Twitter. Do you think they nailed it?
"millennials are killing the print news industry"— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 11, 2018
"TWO PAGES ABOUT KATE'S FINGERS"
"sir maybe we should..."
"TWO. FUCKING. PAGES." pic.twitter.com/GKLXtVN4MW
“I’ve got an idea: we could do a thing about the size of Kate’s fingers being all the same size”.— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) March 12, 2018
“They aren’t, though”.
“I’ve done a box round them and they don’t touch the same line”.
“We shall publish anyway”. pic.twitter.com/cMMDfUs51V
News story in UK; on Kate's fingers length, news priority pic.twitter.com/EY0O7UuicX— Prabin Bikram (@prabinLFC) March 12, 2018
“WHY ARE KATE’S FINGERS ALL THE SAME LENGTH?” pic.twitter.com/StrJJIUjE5— Ian McDougall (@IanMcDougall1) March 11, 2018
why does the daily mail have 2 pages on Kate's fingers who cares pic.twitter.com/vfMBKaEYUo— Ieah 🍯 (@kogyeoI) March 12, 2018
Actually, if you examine Kate's fingers close up, they do look the same length. pic.twitter.com/8qVvjfnK14— Bacardi Oakheart (@Midgetgems26) March 11, 2018
Or, more accurately: WHY ARE 75% OF KATE’S FINGERS A ROUGHLY SIMILAR LENGTH?— Karl Brophy (@KarlBrophy) March 11, 2018
I won’t sleep now..... pic.twitter.com/Ft8aI5glXH
TODAY: ‘Why are Kate’s fingers all the same length?’ asks the Mail, shortly before proving they’re not. pic.twitter.com/jBwXeVXjAb— The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) March 12, 2018
Thank god for insights like this, otherwise we’d never have known that Prince Philip had a taste for the finer things in life. pic.twitter.com/uUq8zfgSa9— Pointless Letters (@pointlesslettrs) March 11, 2018
“Why are Kate’s fingers all the SAME length?”— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) March 12, 2018
Next up on The Daily Fail.
“Why are Kate’s nostrils DIFFERENT sizes?”
“Has Kate SECRETLY got 14 toes?”
“Does Kate COMMUNICATE with her eyebrows?”
“Kate HAS knees!”
“Is Kate ACTUALLY an alien?” pic.twitter.com/C5w9a0zRZY
Next week. Knees— Aaron (@AFlanagan) March 11, 2018
[via The Cut, cover image via TechnicallyRon]
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